The other day, a twenty-something young friend of mine asked me for advice regarding a situation in her life.  I did the best I could, gave her a big hug and wished her the best.  On the way home, I remembered an ancient blog post that I wrote when I was a …yikes… forty-something?  Wow, more than 20 years ago?  How does THAT happen?  Rhetorical question…

Anyway, I fired up the laptop, plugged in an ancient thumb drive and found the blog.  I just emailed it to her and decided to also post it the my Medium site, in case anyone else might get something from it.  Okay, here it is – written in the nineties and overly wordy but here it is:

I do not believe in love at first sight.  I’m not talking about puppies or when we first see our child.  I’m talking about potentially romantic love between two people that is real and might stand the test of time.  Nope, no way.  I don’t buy it.

I do, however, believe in the following:

• Lust at first sight
• Attraction at first sight 
• (and the one that I find most intriguing)
• Connection at first sight.

What do I mean by ‘connection?’  I’m referring to that inexplicable, almost déjà vu type feeling we sometimes get when meeting or even just seeing someone for the first time.  It’s a bond that causes you to feel like you know the person, and you cannot for the life of you, understand why. There’s an inexplicable sense of recognition, without really knowing why.

The plus side of this phenomenon is that whenever I feel drawn to someone in that manner, my future experience with them ultimately confirms that yes, I absolutely have a special connection to this individual.  In fact, it has netted me some of the best, most soul-to-soul relationships of my life. 

But this type of “recognition” can also can be complicated when it takes place between a man and a woman (or, I assume, between any two people who are attracted to each other’s gender).  I’ve noticed in myself that because the connection feels so strong, I automatically assume that it’s romantic in nature.  But sometimes it’s not.  Okay fine, sometimes it is.  But therein lies the complication!  Do you want my unsolicited advice about this? (As though I’ve ever hesitated to give advice) Okay, here it is:

The “wow, this person and I are really attracted to each other, I’m going for it” moments are totally cool. Jump in, see where it leads you. But if you think it’s ‘love at first sight’ – know it might not be that. Instead, kinda slow your roll a bit.  Give yourself time to mull it over.  Experience your responses and how they might change as time passes.  Don’t jump to conclusions.  Which brings me back to the original topic:

If I don’t believe in love at first sight, then what do I believe in?

I believe in all the corny seed/planting/nourishing/watering/growing clichés you can possibly imagine.  I believe in letting that initial spark of attraction slowly reveal itself to the people involved.  I believe in allowing it to be what it is – you can neither force it nor deny it.  If it’s intended to be romantic love, it’ll happen.  And if it’s not, it won’t.  Or at least, it won’t for long. 

I believe in love that grows.  This happens consciously and from a strong foundation.  It is ever changing, ever adapting. It’s based on an increasingly dimensional understanding of who the other person is.  It has a foundation so strong that it easily moves from crazy initial passion to something deeper and, ultimately, easier.

I’ll take that over love at first sight any day.